News » Jokes

Stopped for speeding - be sure the dog doesn't give you away

Contributed by editor on Apr 23, 2008 - 09:55 PM










Great Job with the Bollards, Lads!

Contributed by editor on Jul 08, 2007 - 12:00 AM

Thankfully not Webster Way

Kindly submitted by our good friend Finkle

Most men will get this right!

Contributed by editor on May 25, 2007 - 01:13 PM

Traffic Question

You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, with double lines, and come upon a bicycle rider.

Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 21 miles, or do you break the law and pass?

Which is the correct choice?


Yes there should be no overtaking. Surprisingly most men got this right.


Why men need post-it notes

Contributed by editor on May 12, 2007 - 10:38 AM

The Gazette's good friend Finkle sent this amusing picture to us

What a great way to make money!

Contributed by editor on Apr 26, 2007 - 11:47 PM

Sent to us by Finkle


Make life easier with these simple tips

Contributed by editor on Apr 14, 2007 - 09:14 AM

Simple home remedies:

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

Thoughts for the day and every day:

If you woke up breathing, congratulations. You have another chance.


The cause of global warming

Contributed by editor on Apr 05, 2007 - 09:55 PM

The cause of global warming.

By Finkle

Customs officers smash trade in counterfeit guide dogs

Contributed by editor on Apr 01, 2007 - 12:05 AM

Thousands of pounds worth of fake guide dogs destined for Britain’s streets have been seized at Dover, as customs officers announced they have finally broken the UK’s largest counterfeit canine ring. However many fake guide dogs remain in circulation and members of the public have been asked to remain vigilant for the time being. 

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The fake guide dogs look real from a distance but on closer inspection turn out to be small Lhaso Apsos or other annoying yappy breeds wearing faux Labrador outfits. 

The phony dogs have a tell-tale zip across their stomach, and a tendency to ignore all instructions. With the waiting list for guide dogs at anything up to five years, police were aware that a black market in assistance dogs had evolved in which unscrupulous smugglers assured desperate blind people that they were providing the real thing. In fact the imported dogs have had no formal training, indeed some of the animals were even blind themselves. 

Helpless victims of the scam found themselves being led straight across busy traffic junctions as their dogs pursued bitches on heat or chased rabbits into brambles.

‘You’d have to be really sick to sell a counterfeit guide dog to a blind man, and we want the criminals responsible behind bars,’ said Inspector John Rhodes of Kent Police speaking today (1 April). ‘We’ve not seen anything like it since the ‘iPods for the Deaf’ scam of 2003.’ 

However police and customs officials have been criticised for taking so long to end the import and sale of phoney breeds. They claim they were hampered by the fact that their sniffer dogs kept wriggling out of their Alsatian costumes and disappearing off to the park to stare at people eating their sandwiches.

Is sex education going too far this time?

Contributed by editor on Mar 27, 2007 - 10:57 PM

I realise there have been a fair few comments and letters about the sex education video shown at The Churchill School but I wonder if they are now taking things too far.

The following announcement concerning a teacher who is expecting a baby, appeared in this week's edition of 'The Churchill Times'.

"Violet Class Assembly and farewell to Mrs Cooke who awaits her baby at 9am Friday.

All welcome especially parents of Y5 as you will see what happened at Arethusa last week."


One for Lord Gnome methinks!


Who was responsible for this gaffe?

Contributed by editor on Mar 25, 2007 - 07:56 PM

Dear Editor,

This was broadcast on a BBC Radio Leicester record request show.

Thought you might like it!

Only click on the link below if you are broadminded and not easily shocked.

You have been warned



Click here

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